A little over two years ago I left clinical medicine completely for an administrative position involving population health. The position has been a wonderful Act Two that allows me to use my brain in new ways, problem solve creatively with a team I really appreciate, and is orders of magnitude less stressful than the emergency department.
At the start of this year I cut back to half -time in that role (turning full-time jobs into part-time jobs seems to be my secret superpower). The added control over allocating my time has led me to look ahead to the next five years using some of the tools of finance.
In five years our youngest will hopefully be starting out his university studies. This new stage in our lives will be radically different, a change I greet with a mixture of sadness and excitement.
The amount of time all I've spent with my children over their lifetime is probably more than 90% behind me, and much as I am excited to see them define their own journeys, it breaks my heart to realize that in a best case scenario they'll see me as often as I have seen my parents during my adult life.
Excitement because today we still have wanderlust and (as far as we know) health, and at last we'll have the opportunity to capitalize on both. This leads to a fair amount of fantasizing aloud about the future.
Case in point: my desire to travel for half the year or more once the kids leave. I can easily envision 3 months in:
- Southeast Asia
- Traveling through Mexico
- Exploring Turkey And Central Asia
- Traveling between the lesser trodden Greek isles
- Australia and New Zealand
- Central and Eastern Europe
The more I say this out loud, the more time my wife has to wrap her head around the possibility of it with the hope of eventually embracing some of these options.
Travel sounds wonderful, but travel will only be one element of our new life. We've built our current life around the children, and we have a five year runway to diversify.
Much of my time has been spent reinvesting to deepen existing friendships. My group of middle-aged dads gets together for in person strategy game nights every 3 to 4 weeks, which has been a joy.We also get together to celebrate life milestones and take walks, And I'm fully aware of how unusual it is to be a middle-aged father with a group of peers I can confide in.
I continue to reach out to friends from my past, Ranging from elementary school to present day. Last week I hosted a couple who married after internship as they took their adolescent children on a college tour in our area. Earlier in the week I spoke with a mentor from med school who is coping with health challenges.
This morning I exhanged texts with a friend I've stayed in touch with and visited whenever we go to New York City. The day before I reached out to a friend from high school on her birthday who still lives in my hometown.
Next week I'll speak via Zoom one morning to my hiking buddy in town, a college professor on an international sabbatical. The same afternoon I'll speak to a friend I met in the 4th grade.
All of these folks express a combination of surprise and appreciation for the efforts I make to maintain the friendship. I see it as a form of diversification of my portfolio - as my children pull back and are less available while starting their own lives in other places, ensuring I have solid friendships will let me channel the energy I formerly put toward the kids.
I'm reading more than ever, nonfiction and fiction.
I'm trying to create. While this blog is modest at best, it continues to be my way of maintaining a writing practice.
I found a used steel drum, a Jumbie Jam, at Shopgoodwill.com. It occupies a corner of my home office, inviting me to develop a new skill with the humility of a beginner.
Work is less central to my identity and less reliable as a source of meaning as I look toward the future. I continue to add value at work, but the inconvenience of my limited availability could at any moment undermine the fragile agreement that allows me to stay in this role. Being aware of the fleeting nature of my current work situation helps me appreciate it all the more. I know exactly how lucky I am.
Finally, I'm doubling down on my relationship with my wife. Over the last couple of months, we started to resume watching shows together - it doesn't seem like a big deal, but our evenings have been revolving around the kids for so long that to choose a shared experience for only the two of us is important.
On my days off, we have lunch together. We go through ebbs and flows of double dates with other couples. We spend a solid 20 minutes lying on the couch on mornings when I am off and the kids are either in school or sleeping through a weekend doing nothing - sharing a stream of Consciousness, recounting our dreams the night before, etc.
These interstitial moments were rare when I was working full-time. Now they are a regular part of the fabric of our time together, and they mean a great deal to me.
How are you diversifying?