Last week I listened to the latest podcast from the Mad Fientist, which was an interview of the author of the book, Die With Zero.
The interview subject had the swagger of a Silicon Valley tech bro - typically an immediate turnoff in these sorts of interviews - but there was enough substance in the message that I tried not to let the messenger distort it.
One of the nuggets was the idea of a memory dividend, the long-term happiness from recollection of a set of shared experiences you've invested time in with someone you care about.
Variations of this theme abound in the financial independence world, but they've hit home for me recently.
For a couple of weeks, my kids were otherwise occupied. There is nothing unusual about this age-appropriate change in their priorities. They had extracurricular commitments, homework, took time to study for tests and socialize with friends.
For reasons more internal than external, it felt like they had time for everyone and everything other than me. I reacted poorly. I took it personally when I shouldn't have.
And then I found solace in old fashioned photos. There was a daily dose of fond memories when google photos would bring back a time when I could carry the kids in my arms or prop them up on my shoulders.
Short video highlights of the kids hopping, playing with slime, riding a bike for the very first time without training wheels.
There was a secret delight in combing through old fashioned photo albums that had taken up space in my office for years tot he point where I'd questioned their value were suddenly flooding me with positive memories.
Things have returned to their more natural order since that time a few weeks back. My son and I are playing the occasional strategy game. My daughter is taking an AP test today, and this weekend I'm taking her to a concert where we'll see one of her favorite artists together.
The pleasures of recalling the past can offer comfort in the present, and even offset some of the abrasion that is normal during the years that my kids are adolescents.
I've also resolved to double down on sources of joy outside of time with my kids. Call it empty nest prophylaxis:
- I'm reconnecting with a friend from college who lives abroad tomorrow via Zoom.
- I've planned a strategy game night with the guys for next week.
- There's an alumni association tour of a local landmark building this week whose architecture has always fascinated me.
- We hosted dear friends in town from Peru last weekend.
- A couple of days ago I attended an intergenerational book club, a cherished intellectual salon with some other thoughtful readers.
- I've had regular coffees with friends who are going through rough patches.
- After finding the right friend to join me, we'll be paddling down a section of the LA River in a couple of weeks on an inflatable raft and exploring the Frogtown neighborhood for lunch afterwards.
There's plenty to look back on with fondness, plenty to look forward to, and I'm trying to diversify away my risk of loneliness. I'll keep you posted on it works out over time...