Our recent summer travel highlighted a new and reasonable expectation from my kids: a daily dose of seclusion.
The kids are 14 and 16, respectively, and it's not surprising that they want time to themselves. These are age-appropriate needs.
What caught me off guard is how blind I was to those needs in spite of sharing them.
Since 2017, we have taken a 3 week family vacation every summer. Our destinations have alternated between near and far:
- 2017: Mexico (CDMX, San Cristobal de las Casas)
- 2018: Greece (3 weeks) + Oaxaca, Mexico (2 weeks)
- 2019: Spain (Madrid, Barcelona, Toledo, San Sebastian)
- 2020: Postponed due to COVID (Plans were for Turkey)
- 2021: California Road Trip
- 2022: Croatia
- 2023: Mexico (CDMX, Taxco, Cholula and Puebla)
- 2024: Turkey
These trips are my favorite together time of the year. The kids are not distracted. Their device time is greatly reduced. My wife and I are not drawn to track work demands as intensely.
We are all more present.
This is why I am so keen to maximize our time together when we travel as a family.
The counterpoint: everyone needs alone time, ideally every day. Travel together needs to intentionally schedule that time, lest it risk fostering resentment and grumpiness.
My ideal day is half spent alone in solitary (creative, fitness, outdoor) pursuits and half spent with people. I don't know why it caught me off guard that my genetic offspring would have similar requirements, but it did.
We in the first week of our trip when the kids gently let me know that I was driving them nuts by planning overly ambitious days.
What would help, my daughter explained, was a couple of hours during the peak heat of the afternoon where they could dependably return to the airbnb and inhabit space alone.
Headsets, airpods, devices, books. Preparation for the upcoming year to reduce anxiety. Escape.
Although certain attractions were in close proximity, and there was obvious efficiency in hitting these all at once, I let go of that fantasy and resolved to make separate treks for each attraction.
Things immediately went smoother.
As I look ahead to the empty nest years, I am trying to learn how to ensure that our together time is bundled with sufficient apart time to make it worthwhile.
There is value in seclusion.